the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
