so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
