I'm lost and stupid without you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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