Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
