Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You ruined the universe
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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