I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
