She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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