Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
