And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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