is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
