We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
