went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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