Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
