I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
