Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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