Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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