im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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