Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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