There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
