Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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