That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
