I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want her autograph on my taint
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
