I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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