this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
