He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
