I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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