Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
