I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
