I hate your face
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
