so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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