I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
