So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
