If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
