Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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