There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
