she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
