I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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