You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
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