He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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