i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
