There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
