i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Mom said you looked used
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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