Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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