It's like God shit irony all over that family
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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