I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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