Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
