Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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