I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
