True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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