How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
