I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I stole a fireplace last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
