I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
