It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
