Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
