During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
