That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
