Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
