hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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