i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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