Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize