that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
