So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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