Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
